Wanna know what coming at Tuesday’s Apple event? It’s all in the song

Apple’s “California streaming” event is days away, which leaves plenty of time for speculation about what the company could reveal. We’ve already made an attempt at deciphering the invitation, but the tag line—a play on the hit song “California Dreamin’” by The Mamas and the Papas—stands out. What does it mean?

For the past few days, the song has been stuck in my head, and I woke up in the middle of the night with the revelation that it’s all in the song! The lyrics to “California Dreamin’” tell you all you need to know about Apple’s event on September 14. Let’s look at what it all means.

California Dreamin’ vs California streaming

All the leaves are brown

And the sky is grey

This is obviously a reference to the redesigned Weather app in iOS 15. Last year, Apple acquired the popular Dark Sky weather app and the new Apple Weather app has several new features, including data for temperature, air quality, UV index, sunrise, sunset, humidity, and more.

I’ve been for a walk

On a winter’s day

Gotta get out there and close those rings! And a walk is a great way to do it, especially with Apple’s Time to Walk celebrity audio shorts. Apple released new Time to Walk episodes last June. Maybe we’ll see more on Tuesday to help promote the new Apple Watch.

The “winter’s day” reference could be alluding to a delayed ship date for the Apple Watch Series 7—according to reports, the new watch has had production delays due to component shortages and quality control. While a short supply of watches could be available immediately, it sounds like most people won’t get their shiny new watch until later in the year.

I’d be safe and warm

If I was in L.A.

California dreamin’

On such a winter’s day

Back in June, Apple opened a new Apple Store at the Tower Theatre in Los Angeles. The Tower Theatre is known for being the first theater in L.A. to play talking movies and was the location for the premiere of The Jazz Singer in 1927. The theater had been shut down for years, and Apple renovated the building back to its former glory.

Perhaps Apple will mention Tower Theatre to tie in promotions for its Apple TV+ streaming service and tout the success of Ted Lasso, which could be a big winner at the Emmy awards on September 19.

Stopped into a church

I passed along the way

Well, I got down on my knees

And I pretend to pray

You know the preacher liked the cold

He knows I’m gonna stay

This pokes fun of the old trope that Apple die-hards are a cult, how they’re so willing to buy anything Apple makes. They’re happy to stand in long lines at the “church” (Apple Store) and fork over their “cold” hard cash to the “preacher” (Tim Cook), who knows that these people are devoted to Apple, headphone jack or no headphone jack.

Then, after that verse is a

[flute solo]

Which brings to mind the tale of the Pied Piper of Hamelin, a rat catcher who would lure rats to him by playing a magic pipe. And on September 14, Apple will play its pipe loudly, and the Apple faithful will gather en masse.

California dreamin’

On such a winter’s day

All the leaves are brown

And the sky is grey

I’ve been for a walk

On a winter’s day

I’ve already covered the new Weather app and how it ties into the “leaves” and “sky,” but iOS 15’s Maps also has new features, including augmented reality walking directions. Apple could show off how this works with the new iPhone 13.

If I didn’t tell her

I could leave today

California dreamin’

On such a winter’s day

Who is “her”? Siri? Could this hint at a preview of new Siri security functionality?

Probably not. And the truth is, the lyrics don’t have any relevance to Apple’s event at all. It’s easy to read anything you want into songs, lyrics, symbols, images, and words—and it’s just as easy to poke fun at all the prognostication we do for Apple events. It’s a good reminder to just sit back and enjoy it all. Thank you for your indulgence.